Brain Dead!

9:25 am : its been whole month I havn't written anything… Today im definitely going to try.

9:45 am : 15 minutes I have been staring at my red colored blog ( may be its time to change its layout a bit )

10:05 am: Can't find anything to write and can't find any good template either :(

10:45 am: Ah Tea time!... exactly what I need to think of something

12:45 pm : Should read something, will stimulate some ideas [blog catalog, Ezine, MSN, google News]

1:15 pm: Hungry

3:05 pm: "iphone 3G S is released"…

3:24 pm: "Woman Who Missed Air France Flight 447 Killed in Car Crash" ( its like Final Destination Returns for the 4th time)

4: 35 pm: Just deleted half a page of trashy stuff that made no sense at all.

5:01 pm: what the hell.. I can see my blog infront of my eyes even when m not looking at the screen… may be I am hallucinating…

5:35 pm: Time to pack up… may be I should stop trying to write something and wait to be strucked by lightning :P

Piece of Cup Cake!!!

Like myself there would be many others who try and want to write something daily for their blogs.. but they fail... so i thought why dont i share my expertise with all the helpless people out there.. n also.. doesnt your mom alwayz tells you to help the needy people??

so start doing what i tell you to do ..

1. Open your Microsoft word page.. it can be any version of microsoft, and if you dont have your office installed (like our "phini" [no offence jani!!!] :P ) you can use any writing pad.. word pad, notepad. Yar!!!! Just find a place to write.
Then keep staring at the blank screen until your superman vision burns two holes in your computer screen.

2. Sleep as much as you can. After one month of hibernation, your brain itself would like to write something and you would be able to write a book on sleeping habbits and its interpretations I hope.

3. Take a long walk and bang with everything on the way with your head. Be Careful not to bang cars and ladies if you are a guy :P… I wont be held responsible for the consequences.
Bang into trees, walls, piller, poles.. this actually stimulates brain cells

4. Be inspired by our very own spiderman… hang upside down from the ceiling (b careful, do not try kissing someone in that posture). This might propel more blood to your brain and may lead to more ideas popping up in your head… (by the way it’s a research that kissing also increase blood flow to your brain :P.. im not giving you ideas, just shared what I read :P)

5. Get Married* (gives you more tragic incidents to write on). How else do u think "Ekta Kapoor" came up with so many saas baho dramas??
*Conditions Apply

6. Stay under water for 3 minutes or longer if necessary. ( this specially applies if you are very passionate for pursuing writing as a career, if you are not able to come up with good ideas, I say therez no use of such life)

7. Buy a new pen/pencil/stationary… ( this ones helps me a lot :D)

8. Attend a scientific lecture. Don’t forget to bring ur pen and notepad. I am pretty sure that you will get an idea every 2 min.

9. Remember your pak studies/IT entrepreneurship/cyber Ethics/ English/ and QTB's most boring and full of sleeping drought classes (in which you framed most of your short stories/poems). There may still be ideas that occurred to you then and you never wrote them down.

10. Read latest books in market written by famous politician. It will encourage you to write anything or everything as you see… even crap sells ;) (havnt you read Musharaf's Biography yet???)

11) Get inspired by this post and try to act on atleast three of the above ten points and try to write …. I assure you all will be thanking me someday ;)


CAUTION: Potential side effects may include burnt computers, bumps on head, broken down trees, global warming, hallucinations of being spiderman, being beaten up in public… not advisable for "Passionate writers" as following No. 6 will lead to severe reactions…and most importantly there is no way back once you follow No. 5…

Girls girls girls girls girls !!!!!

Wowww… I have heard about girl power but never knew girls cud be so strong :D…way to go girls !!!... A friend of mine keeps asking me to find him a girl friend, whenever I talk to him about job, other friends, even when asking him to checkout my new posts on the blog.. he is talking abt girls… not just talking.. he always forces me to find him a girl friend…. so this post is dedicated to him…

Ill discuss some tips on getting into a relation and finding a good nice decent girl… (look right now he is bugging me again that he spent his valentines alone n dint buy a single gift for nyone :P)… here goes!!! For all the guys out there looking for girl friends….

So first of all A(no names.. I don’t want girls to run away from him :P)… so “A”, u need to like some girl… your class mate, colleague, neighbor, friend’s sister (not friends gf please) or any girl to implement the following tips.

Be a man:
Do not degrade yourself with your inferior thoughts. Look at the couples you see at on road sides, park & every where else.. If he can get a girl then why not you? ( even chaney waley pathans are busy on their cells… tu tum kaun sa different PATHAN HO.. same blood isn’t? :P)

First Meeting:
Buddy, You need to make her get relaxed. So, Do not stand in front of her like an escaped prisoner with rolling eyes. First relax yourself and understand the environment then start, Just say good day wishes, smile and move forward the conversation with interesting topics. There is a magic which always attracts a girl. In addition to this, “A”! please try not to talk about yourself.. girls don’t like guys babbling about themselves.

Be Yourself:
Pharyan na marna … Do not fake your personality.

Conversation:
When the girl is talking about an incident, her dead dog, her last visit to the mall or anything… follow only one rule “Shut up and Listen”. Stop commenting, stop giving suggestions unless asked, stop giving advices, stop arguing.

Know her More:
Try to know her likes and dislikes, her family, her job, her studies, her friends, her favorite food, her hobbies…. Now don’t start asking her these things like a survey guy, just know these things during the conversation.

Be a Gentleman:
Be a role model, be kind to others, talk nicely about everyone… try to be a gentleman infront of her. Its sure to make her heart melt.

Your Thoughts and Opinion:
If she says she likes Eminem and nobody raps better than him… ask her politely to listen to 50 cents or anyother, just say that is good too…. Do NOT negate what she is saying.

And most importantly: (a definite catching tips)
If she likes something, ask her different things about it… let her talk about her favorite things…Learn to play an instrument ( it sure impresses me :P)…Sing for her…Or try asking her to a dance…

If the above tips doesn’t work… pray to God or ask your mom to find you a girl :P… there is no other option… on a serious note, ill advice you to stop looking for love, let love come and find you … :)

PS: and "A" dressing ko maro goli,,, tum please aik shower le laina before meeting her... honestly my seat was just behind your seat for four yrs during exams... warna mera chowka kisi ne nahi roka tha...

SDLC (S____ Development Life Cycle)

(With special dedication to my software engineer and object oriented analysis and design teacher… without this chowka I would never be able to write this article today. THANK YOU SIR!!!)

SDLC (SHADI Development Life Cycle)

Now don’t tell me of all the websites freely available, you came to this one just to enhance your software design skills? Well may be you will know a little more about software design after reading this article.

Coming to the topic…

Introduction:

NO!!! SDLC is not System Development Life Cycle… as some of you have studied in your four years of computer or IT studies. Though it contains the same phases of development as in System development but with the System changed to real time HUMANS…

Here‘s a quick definition:

“SDLC is the process of developing information systems through investigation, analysis, design, implementation and maintenance.” (Special thanks to webopedia.com for offering us these combination of words)

But here is my jobless SDLC definition which is different from the webopedia.com (with my utmost apologies to the website).

But then again… do you really want to know wat SDLC means? Y not try shadi.com…does that ring a bell? Every one of us has been through or is going to go through this entrepreneurial business process of his/her life

SDLC is abbreviated for “Shadi Development Life Cycle” … following are the phases of its Development. Let us look at the phases involved in a Shadi Development process.

Step 1 : Feasibility Study ( Assess Needs)

Do we really want to start the process right now ??

Conclusion to Feasibility Study:

Definitely YES!!! ( if u r a girl, ama aba are always ready )

Shut UP and NO!!! ( if u r a guy… ama says “Nak pochna tey sekh lo”)

Stage 2: Requirement Analysis (Research the Need, Identify Possible, and select the best possible)

Projects are typically evaluated in three areas of feasibility: economical, operational, and technical. Furthermore Data collection may include:

Data collection

• Name ( Who cares! )
• DOB ( Decides if it is an uncle or a guy)
• Family members ( Of course you need to talk business with them!)
• Job and Salary ( this is where economical, operational and technical feasibility comes in )
• Phone numbers and mail ids ( for initiation of business negotiations)

This can be outsourced to agencies that work only during humanly hours.

Filtering of data

• Min Max bound on DOB for long term business partnering [ Uncles may reach heavenly abode soon! :( ]
• Maximization of expected revenues based on job and salary ( I bet the shopping rate of girls needs that!)
• Max bound on number of family members ( Similar to our nations objective - Lower the population, the better! :D)
• And of course height weight and looks won’t be a filter for the ama’s and aba’s.... keep a friendly khala or phopo close for that filter of data ( advice from personal experiences )

Stage 3# The Design phase : (or Constructing a prototype)

Now as we all know there are many types of prototypes, I wont go into the details of each one as each ama and aba chooses a different one.

As the contact information has been gathered now is the time for designing… looking for the best module which can fit to their own module (daughter/son)… and obviously we cant forget the high cohesion and low coupling part. But as it’s the JOBLESS SDLC so it would be changed to HIGH COUPLING and LOW COHESION.

Prototype Approval By client:

In this stage of design phase, the prototype is approved by the client. Obviously with the chaey and handmade somosaas and etc etc.

Agenda of the conference

• The delicious Chaey/Coffee combo table service. [Caution: Table must contain handmade snacks… if it doesn’t .. there is no harm in saying that its handmade].
• Formal inquiries
• Wide smiles. [:D EEE for no reason until ur cheeks ache]
• Presentation of previous annual results and future forecasts of performance.
• Expectation review
• Arrival at consensus on date of future communication ( mostly HAN or engagement)

Stage 4# Development (Development , Test and Evaluate)

Obviously many developers take part in this phase… from the dye wala to the tailor, from the bridal dress wala to the parlour which is going to wrap the system in to a striking gift wrap. And not to forget the flower decoration wala, stage setting wala, catering wala , tent wala , lights wala and the DHOL WALA.

Stage 5 # Implementation and Support Operations

Sign of contract: this is the final development phase of the process… Some people call it the nikah ceremony.

Stage 6 # Maintenance or Evaluate performance:

This is a black box to me so don’t ask !!! will let you know when it happens.

Things to do when u r jobless

Things to do when u r jobless

Quite frankly, when the companies around you are downsizing due to recession in economy and when you are fretting how to pay bills and support families… I seriously doubt most people’s first thought would be to follow whatever im going to advice…

But when someone is jobless like me, and needs something to do with the brain so it may not wander around here and there, I came up with a list of interesting ways for myself and others in similar situations to keep themselves busy. Being jobless is devastating. Infact it’s the biggest loss anyone can suffer. Not only you are increasing the unemployement ratio, you are also loosing your routine, money, pride and most importantly a sense of purpose.

1# Finish Pending Work: The foremost thing you can do with your time is to finish your pended works. This can be the documentation of your final project or clean your wardrobe.

2# Watch movies, Socialize and party:
Find your old lost friends and hang out, have fun.. this time wont come again in your life ( or atleast we pray it never does :P)

3# Make most of being jobless:
There are countless things you can do to improve yourself, personally and professionally… how about finally loosing those 5 pounds which you were fretting about from the past 5 years.

4# Don’t limit yourself:
Don’t limit yourself to just one profession. There are thousand other things on which you are good at, the only thing is to find one. When you are jobless its a good time to look at what really matters to you, what you love to do or what you've always wanted to try."

5# Start a course/class:
Always wanted to join cooking class?? Isn’t it just the right time to give your hobby an uninterrupted time? You can join some constructive class also. For example , start learning adobe or corel, or ACAD or why not learn French. It’s a great language to learn… Parlez-vous français ??? ;)

6# Find other ways to pocket money (fair means obviously ):P
How about tutoring, this will not only bring at least pocket money, also you will be able to keep in touch with what LCM and HCF are and how they can be calculated. (Right now I’m recalling myself how HCF is calculated :$)

Start making handmade stuff, like if you like painting or pottery making, or candle making .. silk painting… handmade journals, diaries, albums. And then start forcing your family and friends to buy them :P

7# volunteer: I read somewhere that volunteering gives people a sense of purpose which is critical to the self-esteem of job hunters who feel powerless after weeks or months of a fruitless job search. By volunteering you would get busy and wont think of the recession in the country’s economy as well as you’ll b able to keep your mind busy somewhere.